I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize