woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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