once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
