Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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