he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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