; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
