the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
