she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
