You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
