You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
