She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
