Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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