dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
