You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
