i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want her autograph on my taint
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
