we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
