Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
