His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
