Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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