Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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