I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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