I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
