At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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