I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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