It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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