When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
