If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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