I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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