i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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