dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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