I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
