Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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