I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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