Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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