dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
