What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
