is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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