This is not my ceiling
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize