Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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