there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
