He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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