Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize