Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
