It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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