I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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