Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
