Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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