I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
