just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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