maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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