I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
