I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
