a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize