Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
