your parents love me but you hate me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
