OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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