DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
