You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
