i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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