I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
