Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

(970): View more from Colorado

I'm that good.

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(713): View more from Texas

She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.

Fav 24 5792 958
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.

Fav 17 5321 1060
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

Fav 13 4840 1216
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

Fav 13 4556 1534
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.

Fav 5 1954 978
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(785): View more from Kansas

They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea

Fav 5 2305 872
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(406): View more from Montana

You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.

Fav 4 59 29
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(727): View more from Florida

So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.

(813): View more from Florida

You deserve it, you colossal cock block.

Fav 0 137 34
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