I accidentally had phone sex last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
