yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
