mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to make out with him forever
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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