i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
